First blog post

Hi
I am a book worm, cricket loving, pesctarian boy [not your average kid]. I have become a blogger because of my love for writing and wanting people to read my work (as well as my teachers and my parents).
One of my favourite areas of writing is poetry but I do also like writing letters from the Harry Potter world, you could be seeing some of them soon if you carry on reading my work –but no promises that I’ll put them on my blog. I guarantee you will be seeing poems about animals and just normal information in a Column. I want to blog regularly because it will keep me busy and away from my annoying brother.

Bye

Writeboy

Daisy

 

Daisy

IMG_0204

I am the proud owner of three humans! There’s Furry (Dad) who plays a game with me called Shoo – get off the chair, and then there’s Feeder (Mum) the infinite source of food, and best of all there’s Player (Millie), the one that came up with those funny names (Mum and Dad). Oh I almost forgot, then there’s Mr. Sloathington, Millie’s awful head teacher, I’m glad I don’t own him, I do my business in his front garden every evening when Millie takes me for a walk; oddly she doesn’t clear that one up and take it home in a bag.

If I were the eighth dwarf my name would be Bouncy, I just can’t help “bouncing off the walls” as Mr. Furry describes it. I have come to the conclusion that it’s all my species’ fault – whatever that is. I worked this out because when Mr. Furry complains about me Millie says, “It’s what she’s meant to do, her species is springer spaniel, she is meant to spring”. But whatever Furry says I just keep on bouncing, because I know he loves me really.

Wednesday and Thursday afternoons, when Feeder goes out to work, is my time to shine. I become so many superheroes, from the secret snack snatcher to the cheeky chair chewer and the proud pillow pillage. After saving the house, sort of, I have a little paws – ha ha, dog pun – and wait by the door for Millie to return home.

I feel envious of Millie, she has opposable thumbs, I wish I could throw sticks, unfair, but she doesn’t have a tail, so we’re even!! Also I have never seen her lick anybody, odd.

 

Too Much Reality

Too Much Reality: A Tom Story

“Darkness is falling over Oakmere Primary School. How is this possible? Miss Rose has been sacked; somehow over the course of the day my shoes and socks have come off; at lunch someone ran into me carrying a whole jug of juice (drenching me); Ben, Alex, Millie, Louis and Billy have all disappeared, and no one will tell me where they are. My lunch has been stolen by Mr. Sloathington”, thought Tom, as he decided to just curl up on the run-down, broken bench in a dark, muddy corner of the playground where no one usually went. “I don’t even know if this makes me feel better or worse, but Mr. Sloathington and Miss Grumble have announced their engagement.” Miserable and exasperated, Tom started trudging across the playground with a growing sense of confusion – he had forgotten the way to his classroom…

Then Tom woke up; gasping for breath, drowning in a pool of his own sweat and his heart beating like a galloping horse. Immediately he drew the curtains, refreshing daylight flooded in and filled the room. It was then that he realised he was going to be late for school. He threw clothes over his head like a hyper chimpanzee attempting to dress himself. He then sprinted down the stairs and quickly picked up a piece of jam on toast, shouting his mum a swift goodbye, he charged off to school.

Reaching the gate, in a fit of coughs and splutters, Tom peered around. He could not spot Ben or Alex – where could they possibly be? Louis made him jump as he ran up behind him and the two boys continued into school together talking about how odd it was that Tom’s dream was so similar to reality, two of his best friends absent. Just as Tom finished telling Louis about the rest of his hideous nightmare, they were let into class.

A gleeful Miss Grumble told them, after they had settled down, the colossal news. “You will no longer be having your weekly art lesson with Miss Rose, for she has been sacked. Art is as pointless as the teacher who taught you it”, Miss Grumble had a very unusual expression on her face – she was smiling – but she looked like a goat chewing on barbed wire (she didn’t mean to look like this, it was just that she had never smiled before)! On Miss Grumble’s shrivelled old finger Tom noticed a gleaming new diamond engagement ring. He whispered to Louis, “too much reality”.

Prank Season Part 3

Just nine days after Ben, Millie and Louis’ hilarious prank had accomplished everything that they had hoped and more (laughs), the troublesome band of Year 6s were on a roll. The third prank was coming up, but this time new recruit Billy was the brains behind the badness.

As Billy and Tom were talking in the park, Billy said “I’m going to give the cola-addicted Sloth a little sticky holiday.” Confused, Tom contemplated this weird phrase, but when he turned to ask Billy what he meant, Billy had disappeared into class like an excited guinea pig running for food, calling over his shoulder “just wait and see.”

“Billy, take the register up to the office,” Miss Grumble ordered rudely. The shady boy took the folder from the teacher’s desk with an innocent smile. As soon as he got out onto the corridor, he broke into a jog, he had to be quick if he was going to make it in time! Opening the door to the male teacher’s toilet he slipped a tool and a bottle out of his pocket and set to work. Thirty seconds later he was done and on his way back to class without the register file.

It was ten past ten and Mr Sloathington was peering down at his watch, “I just have time to nip to the loo,” he reassured himself. He had a slow jog (that was more like a waddle) but to him was quite athletic, and squeezed through the doorway of the bathroom, locking it behind him (with a soft squelch). A few moments later Mr Sloathington tried to open the door: his first problem was that the lock would not budge (jammed like a rock with a good dollop of Billy’s adhesive); his second problem was that he yanked and yanked at the door handle, which came off in his hand (helpfully loosened by Billy earlier that morning).

Meanwhile in the assembly hall the children were having a great time with Miss Rose, who was filling in for the absent Sloth. She had brought a big piece of paper down and was teaching them all how to draw different creatures. She was taking suggestions from the children, unsurprisingly the first one that they asked for was a sloth. The time flew by and before they knew it, it was ten forty so Miss Rose decided to just send them all out to play.

Back in the bathroom, Mr Sloathington was bubbling over with fuming anger, he had tried to knock the door down with his meaty fists, his chubby feet and even his protruding posterior. His voice was hoarse from bellowing for what felt like hours, he slumped against the unyielding door.

It was now lunchtime and Miss Grumble was striding with the most unusual wide grin on her face (it was not used to smiling), she was going to the office of the secret love of her life, Mr Sloathington. “I am here to share my biscuits with…” stumped to see an empty room she decided to go for a look around, hoping he might have gone to her classroom. Mr Sloathington, hearing her high heels clip clopping along the corridor, was flooded with relief, “Hello? Hello? Can anyone hear me? I am stuck in the loo.”

Driven by her love for the stinky head teacher she attempted to batter the door down but ended up knocking the door off its hinges, snapping the metal bar of the lock and knocking Mr Sloathington flat on his back, knocking the hairy beast unconscious. As Miss Grumble heroically administered the kiss of life to her scratchy bearded, unshaven friend, embarrassingly whilst a group of seven Year 4 children walked past, they then went on and told every last pupil and staff member about the “romantic” event.
Billy is a genius!

Prank Season Part 2

Prank Season Part 2

A little shaking up never hurts!

It was now March and the six rebellious pupils (Millie had joined) were stuck, they just couldn’t find a plan. What they did not know though was that sometimes simple is better, and always more effective. The boys and girl were in Year 6, so SATs practice was in full swing.

Today Miss Grumble needed to take some SATs practice papers up to the Head Teacher, Mr. Sloathington. Miss Grumble was not polite, she was far (very far) from polite – she was a cruel, ghostly stick insect of a woman – anyway, she just shouted “Ben, Louis and Millie, take those boxes up to Mr. Sloathington’s office right this second,” so they trudged slowly and resentfully towards the Headmaster’s office, each lugging a huge box full to the brim with paper.

 

They finally reached Mr. Sloathington’s office with arms aching like they had just lifted the fat pig of a man (Mr. Sloathington). The office was empty so they looked at each other, nodded, and then set to work. They spelled out ‘you fat hairy sloth’ on the desk with the post-it notes lying around. Then Millie said “wait …
Let’s shake things up a bit.” The three of them immediately dived to the fridge and then manically started shaking all of the cola bottles as hard as they could. As they were going back through the main office they saw Mr. Sloathington going into his pigsty of an office. Mrs Tulip the receptionist stopped them as they were leaving, “Ben, Louis, Millie”
“Oh no, we’ve been caught”, Millie said under her breath.
“Have a sweet” Mrs Tulip continued. As they were having their sweets they heard a huge snort, then the sound of an opening fridge, then PPPHHHEEERRRSSSHHH “AAARRRGGGHHH” Mr. Sloathington screamed. He staggered out of his office drenched in a brown liquid, looking like a squid had got dressed up as a man but didn’t know how to dress himself (his fly was undone). Ben, Louis and Millie hurried back to class in fits of laughter, “That snort sounded like a pig and the scream – that sounded like a nine year old girl. This trumps the last prank by a mile!” whispered the triumphant three.

Miss Rose: A Tom Story

Tom’s favourite part of the week was the art lesson on Wednesday afternoon with Miss Rose. The class went to the cramped but cosy art room; that many people said was more like a big cupboard; to have their weekly session of all thing creative (apart from writing). Miss Rose was a smiley young (21 to be exact) teacher who often wore her namesake flower in her hair or on her clothes. She was an enthusiastic, encouraging person who, if you walked past her on the street, immediately gave you a happy feeling. But the best thing about her was her artistic talent, she perfected every flick, every dot and every detail. She was an art mastermind and the pupils … well the pupils loved her.

It was a week and a day since the first prank had succeeded so gloriously. The atmosphere in the school was incredible: everyone was bubbling with excitement (except Miss Grumble and Mr. Sloth, as he was now frequently referred to). The prank remained a mystery, except that Ben and Alex had recruited Louis and Billy from their class onto the team for future pranks. As the pranksters walked into “the cupboard” they saw Miss Rose quickly flick shut her sketch book, but it did not stop Tom from getting a look at what she was drawing, a big fat sloth with green and brown wavy lines radiating from it signifying a horrible smell, holding a can of cola (with more cans strewn on the floor around it). This gave Tom a new spring of encouragement, he had a teacher on his side.

He sat down and carried on his watercolour painting of a jungle river by adding a sloth slouched in a tree asleep. He then took his incredible creation up to Miss Rose (unsurprisingly wearing a beautiful peach rose in her hair) – she smiled in amazement “that is truly astonishing Tom, can you go and show your excellent work to the head teacher please. Oh, before you go, do you like my latest sketch?” She opened her sketch book and produced the most astounding, beautifully funny picture of a truly incredible sloth slumped in a desk chair with cola cans all over the floor. “Like it?” Said Miss Rose, wearing her usual smile. “Yeah, it’s brilliant!” Exclaimed Tom. “Actually Tom, maybe don’t take that painting to Mr. Sloathington” she whispered to him with a cheeky wink, “you know what people are calling him … I wouldn’t want him to think you had anything to do with it.”

Prank Season Part 1

A few weeks (of being mentally tortured by Mr Sloathington) later, Tom, Ben and Alex had finally come up with the perfect prank. All they had to do now was to execute their plan, and then just play it cool and no one would know that it was them. The pranksters had started up their engine.

Today was Tuesday 28th January and it was time to put their plan into action. The school hall was their target and it was at a far remote area of the school. So Tom, Alex and Ben crept through the school to the hall, with the package that they had worked on for a long time. Alex (being the tallest) climbed up on a chair and attached the package at the top while Ben and Tom attached it to the bottom. After that it was a swift run back to class.

Before the Troublesome trio of Pranksters knew it, it was assembly time. So they lined up, like everyone else, walked to the school hall, like everyone else, sat down quietly, like everyone else. They just acted like everyone else! Then the assembly started. The first thing that was strange was that the screen was a shade of green similar to bogeys, instead of its usual grey. Then all across the screen in abysmal but gargantuan writing was scrawled “get rid of the stinky sloth (mr slothington).” The whole school was in uproar, some of the kids had puzzled faces, some had worried faces and some of the kids were laughing their pants off.

Miss Grumble was weeping enough to fill twenty very salty rivers. Mr. Sloathington was outraged and blew the roof off the whole school with his shouting. He screamed “no more play for the lot of you until I find out who the culprit was for this”, he pointed at the board with an absolutely disgusted face almost like he had picked up a cup with two week old mouldy tea bags in it. So they sat there in silence for the whole of break. And all of lunch.

The Accident

This is my third post of my series all about Tom.

One crisp Thursday morning, Tom was running around with Alex and Ben in the playground.  They were pretending to be Star Wars fighter pilots – just as Tom was about to heroically blow up the Death Star he was tripped up by a clumsy, bumbling Year 3 child.  Tom was sent flying into … Miss Grumble, drenching her, Tom and a skinny little crying girl in tea.

 

Miss Grumble was enraged, “go to Mr. Sloathington’s office now!” she shouted.  Tom trudged whilst dragging his feet and sorrowfully looking down at the4 floor across the playground and through the school to the dreaded head teacher’s office.  When Tom shuffled into Mr. Sloathington’s office the first thing that he thought was “wow, he drinks a LOT of cola!”  Mr. Sloathington’s face instantly turned purple when he found out why Tom had been sent to him.  Once again the words meant nothing to Tom, this time because he was distracted when he realised what Mr. Sloathington reminded him of: a slow moving, hairy and stinky sloth.  But when he was walking out the door Mr. Sloathington said “and that’s it for your play time.”  Those words really sunk in.

 

As Tom walked back out to the playground, the first thing he saw was Miss Grumble’s soggy coat hanging on the railings like an ugly stone-grey rag, an awful reminder of his horrible punishment.  He eventually found Ben and Alex and told them what his fate was.  They were all disgusted at the new head teacher’s actions and swore to plot against him.  Prank season had begun.

Meet Tom and his friends

I am carrying on with my series about Tom.  In this post you will get to find out about Tom and some of the characters who will appear in later stories.

 

Alex

 

Alex is a tall, lean, dark skinned boy. He has dark brown close cropped hair. His deepest secret is that he goes to ballet class but he tells his friends he is playing rugby. In his spare time his favourite thing to do is ride his bike, he plays out in the park down the road a lot.   

 

Ben

 

Is a short, freckly, rounded child with dark eyes and hair. He always has at least one of his shirt buttons undone, he also has his shirt untucked, he wears a cheeky smirk and is always cracking jokes. It is unusual for Ben to be seen not in front of his computer or telly when he is not eating, sleeping or reluctantly in school.

 

Tom

 

Tom is a skinny and very pale boy. He is not quite as short as Ben but is nowhere near as tall as Alex. He is blond and sporty, he likes running but he prefers long distance running to sprinting. He suffers very badly from Sun Burn and used to suffer from Eczema. He has over one hundred different napkins in his napkin collection!

 

Introducing Tom

This is going to be the first blog of a series of stories about a boy named Tom and his horrible head teacher.

 

“He had forests growing out of his nose,” that was Tom’s first impression of his new head teacher.  He also noticed that Mr. Sloathington was as wide as a door, smelled distinctly of full-fat cola and his neck was exactly the same width as his quadruple chin.  This was Tom’s first day at Oakmere Primary School; it was also the first day for the head, Mr. Sloathington.  The previous head had a heart attack and dropped dead on Boxing Day, leading to Mr. Sloathington’s immediate assignment.

 

This was the first day of school after the Christmas holidays: Tom was extremely excited to get off to a good start to his new school and make a good impression on the teacher.  Miss Grumble (the Year 6 teacher) looked somewhat difficult to impress.  She was as thin as a lamp post and her mouth was like a beak, always pulled into a disapproving frown. 

 

Tom was so eager to start working on his story in English that when he tried to snatch his pen up from the table he accidentally flicked it away from him and hit Miss Grumble in the face.  The enraged teacher ordered Tom to go and see the new head at break time.

 

Back in Mr. Sloathington’s office, Tom was looking up into the scariest, hairiest nostrils he had ever seen while Mr. Sloathington bellowed angrily at him.  The most disgusting bad breath smell filled Tom’s nostrils, but the sight of the hair and the stench in the air meant that the words being bellowed did not mean a thing to him.  He had not got off to the start he had hoped to.